Love Without A Name

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Too many times we thought of who is the one for us. If we deny this fact, I can say that we have gone through a lot in relationships and we had enough of it or the very opposite, innocence. Which means we are alien to this topic (or pretending we are) and have gone really behind of what’s happening in the mainstream media. If you’re the second one, good for you! But do prepare for the impurities all around. The main point, we only have just two.

From the time that GOD awakened me in learning things about love, I have called JESUS “My Husband” or “Hubby”. Because the truth is I NEVER WANT ANYONE TO GET IN-BETWEEN MY LOVE FOR HIM. During my 24th birthday as my Hubby and I have this intimate moment together in my room, I uttered this prayer of pain and yearning for Him. I said: “Strip me off everything that hinders this SICK LOVE that I have for You, my King. You’re all I have. You’re all I want. You’re all I ever needed. Break me. Let me die in myself and please LIVE IN ME. MAKE ME NEW.”

During that time I was in a state of really guarding my heart for it is foolishness for me to love someone so much and realizing only later that I fell out of love for Christ. I was also asking GOD not to give me to a man. I said, “Ayaw ko po; gusto ko tayong dalawa lang.” The sweetness of that moment I will not forget. It’s my life to pour out my love–my life to Him. My Hubby is a man to me; a human being, a person. And He knows me more than anyone does.

At some point He tested my love for Him and I found myself at the center of His will. I didn’t know I was until He took me to the next season. During that time I was always declaring, “I want to be where GOD wants me to be AT THE MOMENT.” Like the way we know in music, we go high and low; fast and slow… That is where He took me until such time that I CANNOT SAY NO.

Who am I to ask “why”? Or even ask the same question my sister said when she had an encounter with GOD and that book was opened. She bravely asked the Almighty GOD, the Maker of heaven and earth, the One who knows our future, the ONE WHO KNOWS THE END FROM THE BEGINNING, “LORD, alam Niyo po ba ang ginagawa Niyo?” She was wrestling with the reality that she knew all along with the truth that GOD has for her life. And the LORD answered her with the voice that shook her world: “Can you just fear Me?”

I certainly came to that point in my life too. But I kept myself from asking the same question because He might do “something else” to me knowing that I’m a choleric and my sister is a phlegmatic. You know, temperaments! 😀 We are different the way His dealings are for us. I don’t want to give in to a response. I don’t want to do it wrongly though I know everyone deserves a second chance. I just want it bulls eye the first attempt. I know that MY RESPONSE TODAY WILL DETERMINE MY FUTURE.

Seasons of proving came; seasons of desire and shame; seasons that I will forever thank GOD for allowing. It’s with these seasons I’m made complete.

I asked GOD for tools and He gave me people; people who don’t know what they have contributed in me at a time that I know someone should be doing it. The LORD proved me that there is a BLESSING in my OBEDIENCE. That CAREFUL OBEDIENCE results ETERNAL and SIGNIFICANT LIFE. Moreover, He taught me that the things and people whom we call “BLESSING” can be a curse when we loved them more than Christ. The sad part is, that process of loving it is sublime… You will not notice it immediately until that day of shakening. Speaking from someone who got through it by GOD’s grace, I can say that I have been stubborn. The LORD warned me with His prophets in my life but I have not “fully” obeyed. Simply because, I DO NOT UNDERSTAND. But His grace is vast. He got me through my blinded moments, and like Saul, the LORD provided me my “Ananias” that caused my blind eyes to see what He’s doing and the BEST PART is WHAT HE WANTS ME TO DO even when I’m alone.

The pain was oozing pain. It was like I was separated from my life. But the LORD is good. He teaches us to see the way He sees things and brings us to our love even if he has no name.